Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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