All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
