Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have post one night stand depression
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
