Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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