she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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