he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
