My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
