no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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