So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
