can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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