we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
