I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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