I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
