Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
