I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
