I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
