just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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