i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
