Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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