My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
