my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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