I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
