Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
