I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The air taste purple.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
