Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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