That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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