She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize