I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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