It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
