I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
