he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
