i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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