Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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