I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
