the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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