your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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