Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need to calm my uterus...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
