Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize