honey bunches of taint.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
