I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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