i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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