It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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