thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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