She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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