I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
