Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize