Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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