I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
