He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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