There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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