i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
