he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
