We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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