you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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