Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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