you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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