Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
