Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
