I am puke
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
