i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
