he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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