So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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