Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
