We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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