Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The best revenge is premature balding
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize