you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
