She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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