Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
