You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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